Children - like us adults - encounter small or large frustrations every day because it is not possible, in real life, to have or do what you want all the time, to get everything right away!
It is important then, dear parents, that children can train tolerance to them. Let children be able to cope with them, starting with the small ones (but therefore within their reach) because avoiding our children every little frustration makes them fragile and insecure, and that is very dangerous.
"By defending them against danger we have deprived them of any means of protecting themselves," writes Peter Ellis.
But in practice?
In everyday life there is certainly no shortage of moments when the child is denied what he would like, what he would enjoy: continuing to play instead of eating or going to bed; not being able to wear only what he particularly wants or likes; having to abide by certain rules (sitting at the table or in the car) and so on. Of course, we parents do not like to give a child a hard time or see him get so upset that he cries.
We can, however, help them:
- (if old enough) by choosing rules or conditions together. E.g. we eat at the table, but it is a 'house rule, shared and accepted by all' that on Saturday evenings we eat (e.g. pizza) on a rug on the floor in the living room;
- by choosing a few, but clear rules (having too many rules, disorientates and frustrates: you will not be able to follow them all);
- writing down (or illustrating) these rules and putting them in view, so that they are memorable;
- explaining and arguing the choices we ask them to make;
- giving reasons for the rules we ask them to follow;
- following these rules ourselves: as parents we are always a role model;
- reminding them gently, especially at the beginning, when you fear that your child may forget (e.g. remember to take off your shoes and coat before entering the house and then go and wash your hands);
- if it is not possible to follow the rules (us first) they must be revised and 'updated';
- if it is not possible to follow them (e.g. due to an emergency), state this so that the expectation that this will be the new rule is diminished (e.g. usually the rule is that you go to bed after having a bath, but it happens that being away on a trip, you return late and the bath is postponed).
All of this can be put into practice, but without giving in, without disregarding the request itself: experiencing the limits that life imposes on everyone (and the frustrations that can result) trains children from an early age, makes them realise that not everything is always possible, but one can overcome this moment of discouragement, finding solutions and satisfaction elsewhere!