Jealousy between siblings
First of all, dear parents, we would like to reassure you that jealousy is an absolutely normal feeling in children (and not only) and is partly irrational: no matter how sure we may be of the affection of the person who is the object of our desire, the atavistic fear of loss remains within us.
How, then, to deal with it?
The first, direct answer we can give you is: together! Do not leave your child alone to face his or her 'demons'.
Whether it is jealousy due to the arrival of a baby brother, or due to the presence of other children in your child's life, a useful strategy is:
- reparing him in good time for what will happen, informing him of the possible scenarios that will take place, of the changes that will take place;
- reassuring him/her that your love for him/her will not change, nor his/her position of importance within the family;
- you give your child the news of the pregnancy in progress, before he/she can realise it by himself/herself and give shape to his/her catastrophic fantasies;
- allow your child to follow and be an active participant in the transformations taking place in the family (giving his opinion in choosing the name of the newborn, buying clothes for the future brother/sister, furnishing the newborn's room... ), he will be able to contain his fear of exclusion;
- create special moments with him, such as a game or a reading (perhaps aimed precisely at the arrival of a 'stranger') precisely to strengthen the bond present. It would be a good strategy if you could maintain this activity even after the arrival!
At the time of the birth try to pay attention to a few things:
- often friends and relatives bring a gift to the new baby: make sure that there is also a gift for the older sibling;
- do not let the birth of the sibling coincide with the eldest's 'going out' of the house, to the nursery or school or even just a holiday;
- prepare spaces so that each child has its own dedicated space (and this suggestion also, and above all, applies to mental and emotional spaces in the parents' home)
involve the eldest sibling, where possible, in small acts of care for the baby brother, so that he feels involved; - provide your first child with moments just for him, both with dad and with mum.
Jealousy between peers
As we have said, the presence of other children in your child's life can cause jealousy, directed towards different figures (the mother, the teacher...).
Also in this case, a possible strategy is:
- prepare him in good time for what may happen, informing him of the possible scenarios that will take place, of the changes that will take place;
- reassure him that your love for him will not change and help him to understand that the teacher must care equally for all children;
- continue to gradually expose him to these situations from an early age (e.g. by meeting friends in the park, being seen hugging other children, while you hug him and then gradually while he looks at you serenely, perhaps busy playing...), making him understand and feel that you will be there for him and that your relationship is not in the least bit at risk!
In conclusion, we recommend you check out our books page, where you will find some reading suggestions.