When your child repeats a series of "why" questions over and over again, he or she has entered the well-known "why stage". This stage usually begins around the age of 3 (but also depends on language development) or when the child develops pleasure in asking for information on everything and his curiosity is insatiable, and this can continue up to 7/8 years.
The repeated series of questions serves him both to learn but also to test the willingness of the parents. Therefore, dear parents, arm yourself with infinite patience and try to do your best to respond to both of these needs: give him the attention that your child is asking ... but also try to be consistent in your answers and not to contradict yourself, so that your child does not get confused and can learn from both the answers and your attitude/role model.
What if you can't answer? Declare it! What matters most to your child is the attention you give him, first of all, and to his desire to learn. You could look for the answers together on the internet, in a book... go on an adventure with your child. This is also a very precious opportunity to strengthen the relationship with him!
The first questions of the "why phase" usually concern the external environment that surrounds him, and then moves on to questions about himself, his origins and his sexual characteristics: how are we born, what are the differences between males and females, what are the genital organs for ... The answers to all these questions should be sincere and spontaneous, so that the child perceives that he can talk about everything with you and that there are no inappropriate or inconvenient topics (it is better that he knows as much as possible from you than elsewhere, only you can respect his age and vulnerability!). So don't evade the questions and don't deny the explanations on these topics but try to answer with simple words, suitable for his age and his understanding. What if you struggle or don't know how? Ask for help, inform yourself to best help your child. Our suggestion is often: turn to books, very valid allies!
The last cycle of the "why phase" involves the theme of death which develops first with generic questions and finally with the direct question: "Why do we die?". The child begins with these questions to confront the real world to get to understand, over time, everything around him.
Some tips on what to avoid:
- don't pretend you haven't heard;
- don't change the subject to direct attention elsewhere;
- don't say "I'll explain it to you when you're older" (if he asks the question, probably he is "old" enough to
- get your answer, considering his age);
- do not use excessive or inappropriate irony;
- don't lose patience if he doesn't understand or needs to hear it repeated over and over again;
- do not say (NEVER) "I am an adult and therefore I am right ... you are the child and therefore you do not know" or similar phrases that would make you gain the closure of the dialogue as the only - bad - result;
- don't say "You couldn't understand / it's too hard for you to understand" (playing down his emotional and social intelligence).